I'm turning 18 in just a little bit, and I'mma vote, buy cigarettes and some lottery ticks But I'm conflicted, I'm not sure what it is And I still miss my father and I'll still miss all my friends When I'm off to college calling in to talk to my sins And lately I've been lookin forward to all the things that I'll live But I've been wondering what it all really means To be an adult, in love, or really anyone of these things One of the rings that I'll give to my wife And spell I'm not ready in blood diamonds and candles and knives Said I'll be 18 in sooner than I'll notice and my birthday's a gift but I just might not be ready to hold it Hoping tomorrow bears the fruits of today, and maybe sometime I'll be repaid for these fucks that I gave Sorry for cussing that's the way that I am, and I'm happy but it's mixed with other things that I'm not sure I can stand And I'll be 18 some day, etc.

(CHORUS) Loose square, knock knock on god's door ask em who's there, She got me grounded all up on her like root hairs, leave me in the dust and then she said too bad, and who cares Please help me, what's my purpose on this earth please tell me It's a monday night, this shit's heavy somewhere in between flat broke and rich wealthy (Verse) I'm on mount olympus tryna get olympic gold, feel like I'm running from devils on an ellipitcal And they're chasing me and I'm runnin, never thought moving in place could be so difficult And just tryna reach this mountain's pinnacle, to reach epitomies of a fucking imbecile I'm in her garden getting carded for the fruits she holds Between the sheets and me, show her places she didn't know Existed, ever listen to the sound of silence of a pistol reminiscent of some stupid words that could never make a difference, close your mouth and let them make you think that you're deficient I'm an idiot, I'm a martyr, swallow ideas and spit out this system, read what's written on the script that you've been given; authors of nothing, killers claim Christian I'm the thin line between jesus and fiction, peek in the distance, a father on these childrens' wishlists Hark, come listen what my mission is, in the kitchen, cooking up some expletives And bet we got rappers straight killin it but also got kids that's illiterate like how you gon feel that we're winning? Locked in the gates of addiction, pretending that destiny is written so you spend half your time drinking, the other half sleeping to dream of a world without feeling in the church alone lie kneeling, talking to a god u don't believe in, slurring your speech between breathing and dying, feeling like flying, tryna find peace in your mind not released from the grind (CHORUS) Loose square, knock knock on god's door ask em who's there, She got me grounded all up on her like root hairs, leave me in the dust and then she said too bad, and who cares Please help me, what's my purpose on this earth please tell me It's a monday night, this shit's heavy somewhere in between flat broke and rich wealthy reeking of liquor seeking the comfort of a sister love of the mischief, love your wife but keep a mistress sizzurp sippin, sitting in the cold chicago winter, living to die, kill me in the name of a witness aim at my head state your name and your business I'm seventeen, ill be 18 next week, and I don't feel grown and I'm not ready, to cope with the problems of a working adult cause I'm just a stupid kid that don't know his own hopes aspirations, so I speak my mind's apparations, the voices in my head the only friends that god gave me Kill me, slay me, swear I feel amazing, clothes ripped up with some blood on the pavement, love me kill me depressed I feel guilty take all your endorphins just to feel me TIe my hands, tie me down, and rape me, take me a kill me John Gacy blame me for everything thats aching, faded on my own self-hatred, hate me on my own vacation Pacing, waiting, for the sun to show its face, wishing that someone would come and save me CHORUS x 2

CHORUS Max Bouvagnet I'm, blowin up like napalms Psych I'm stayin underground, kill my high like a wake up call 99 problems and I blame em all, blame em all, play my songs loud while you drift away and sip ciroc sip ciroc sip ciroc kinda broke so you sell some rock, sell some rock, god damn you gotta make it out somehow Out somehow, but someday you gon come down, and realize that you're stressed out doors kicked down and kicked out of your town Look, sometimes sleep's the only drug, and sleeping pills supplying ,thoughts of sleepless nights up on my mind I think that I'mma go insane, go insane, curse my life til I kurt cobain if I gotta spend another night with nothing but cups of the pink and this awful pain Thoughts of death while they operate, stab my back while we conversate, tryna tolerate these dickriders with my fists clenched as I count to 8 exonerating my own sins, magic sauce in dis potion, I'm floating out in the ocean with the manatees and dese shark fins Smoking on carcinogens stupid head wit dem black lungs, lights, camera and action, better make sure that fames rationed Cause I think fame would kill me, frankly I think fame is poison, rest in peace to amy winehouse, edgar allen poe and obi wan girls strung out on opium opening bottles overdone, weeks in cabo san lucas couldn't warm me up from my frigid soul Got trust issues just kissed you right? is this just tonight or is this for ever, for better or for worse with blackened corpses severed head to neck, heart to soul, and places where her legs met, I met you for a reason i guess only time could tell Will I love you in the morning who knows who knows, guess it just goes to show baby don't go no no no no no no CHORUS I no longer live, I'm an artificial monster kid promise that I was taught to be immune to all these problems it's Just that no robot is perfect and I feel a sickly virus up in my circuits happy endings are still endings ponder that for a minute please, I'm on my knees begging you to see me as I am but since you won't to choke out the screams I'mma say my name til I know you couldn't drink enough wine n alcohol to forget me say my name please

I wanna take you home and see you how God had intended You might be insecure on lucifer your body's stupendous I got you begging and undressing as you wait for me To let you taste yourself when you taste my lips And you're breathing so heavy and I feel it with my hand on your heart accelerating God damn I feel sedated on morphine and vicodin, nyquil I'm hyped to get high with you and no one else in our birthday suits, in our birthday suits, in our birthday suits, in our birthday suits, in our birthday suits you look beautiful tonight, it must just be the way that you do Just something in the way that you move got me hyper than the Jerry Springer show, take you to a place where we go between me and you is a vortex that I take you thru to another land and make you forget who you are and my name and my face and where you are and who you're with and where you're from and what you're called and I resent anyone that's ever told you that you're not enough CHORUS With nothing but your birthday suit Beautiful and pure with no make up too No more maskara run down from your eyes And no more cover up to try and cover up what you tried to hide Call me crazy but I think that this is black magic, doing backstands being backstabbed by clothes that were supposed to save me from this cold world Oh well, I guess that Imma just take em off with you and prove that we don't need no blankets shooting blanks at the heads of all these fake people claim that being in love ain't just 2 words that don't mean shit O yourview on life is so demeaning, been acting like a ceiling ain't nothing but some plaster and imaginary boundaries that I'mma push thru like I still got things to believe in Oh please I think that my emotions peaking, breathing just to breathe, pushed my chest against you, just to check to see if my heart was still beating

It ain't the substance baby, it's the effects Keep me comin home smacked at odd hours Been called coward too many nights this drink falls down through my throat and I forget to get home and how Please forgive me for growin up, for losing my keys And avoiding every kid that reminds me of me Cause I don't need to see right where I went wrong Mama I been a bastard, leaving u alone and then forgetting to call And when I get a little older, can I still blame my age I'm sure you're tired of me and I'm tired of changing my ways For all these leeches, tryna suck all my blood from me But lately I ain't got much to give It's the poison dripping down from your lips That I drink, and I'm still wondering what I been trying to kill kiss the arrow thru my Achilles heel feel me quiver no arrows in my quiver end your life like organ doner indian givers take my soul over the river, order salavation from God, and hope that he ain't way too tired to deliver Hopin those sweet lips of yours ain't laced too much with bitter Cause to me that tastes way too familiar Give me a sliver of hope sometimes all of this be hurting my liver All these Slytherin wizards slippin thru as I hear them slither Past the intersection into the depths of my broken figure Littered liquor bottles, all these forgotten novels and pictures So take, all you want from me but I ain't got much in store the clock's running, running away so I can't take my time no more

Have u ever taken octuple doses of nyquil and gone to sleep feeling like you might not wake up come tomorrow? Baby please come to me, I still got words to say, and this black song to sing as my past wrongs decay And you held my hands god damn I lost my grip Pled the fifth when the gods gone caught me running my lips Said jesus please make me an example, burn my skin down and tell the kids that god loves them but Christmas is cancelled Writing like Basquiat to loose leaf canvas, and they're callin me primitive writing my scriptures on light of a candle Under the pews with some paint and some vandals, mutilate mary mother of joseph cocaine from Copacabana Hoping these cool kids could run from this hell, but spent too much time running from stray bullets, cops and themselves Copping these clothes that they won't need in jail, trying to cope with the pain Cobain, hoping that broke dreams will sell and these nightmares won't kill and these fake friends are for real so go claim your life as I co-write your will And lately I got arthritis cut me deep to my bones, head far thru the clouds knee deep in the snow When u do that shit the way that u do The way that u do with your spaces and grooves Girl please euthanize me cause I've been hurting for you And I've got some to gain but you've got more to lose x2 And I will never forget the rest in peace signs strung across my birthday cake and how those contact lenses hid the true colors behind them And make-up served to shadow cruel intentions And shadows were only there so I wasn't alone Feeling the bitter jaws of adulthood Clamp down as I realize I've gained more than just the right to buy cigarettes And lost more than the yellow stripe on my ID and the right to search for myself in the lost and found And a legal guardian to find me when I am lost And hold me when I've lost my grip on everything that still makes me a kid

I wanna have a perfect day with u, forget it in the morning cause we're two lonely people with a substance in our organs That makes us flip flop between love and disdain for this hole in my chest, and my blood in the rain And we could tell ourselves that I've paid what I owed And we could fall asleep together and wake up alone And I got a place to sleep but I got nowhere to go with my baggage full of nothings and these pains that I wrote Sometimes I could eat the earth and feel empty inside and my greatest truths is just love embellished with lies but this pressure on your soul might be too heavy to hold But I'mma put on my shoes and place that weight on my soles like La la la la la la la, this is my up at night song my my my my my my my my god, haven't met no one like you in so long La la la la x2 I wanna bottle this feeling, to chase all the shots pass out forget you by the time that I open my eyes and my arms open wide but my eyes is still closed and my house is too cold to hold my hands like you do And I could walk this road all through the night If you'd walk on the other side And hope you glance a bit my way to know that I passed through your mind One time im sayin like Who am I? who am I? been taught to quit, sit down and shut my mouth howm i supposed to just kiss you then shut you out cut my legs off and ask me to jump around stay awake until those nightmares go away wake up feeling number than some novacane Damn today feels like the ocean, wanna sail away from you like a stowaway I'm gone i'm gone i'm gone from you I'll kiss your head goodbye but take this song away from here, and keep it on your mind You are beautiful, a rose amongst the blackest of coal a drop of red paint in the ocean whose blue knows no mercy an ant praying that it feels not what it feels but would rather die kicking for its family than to suffer under the oppression of a wrathful queen Of mice running rampant between your toes causing them to curl into fetal position and grasp the air like a newborn baby on a Sunday morning crying tears of joy at its beginning and magnificent ignorance of its end And watch three hours dissolve into a single second that I will place on my watch and gawk as it kisses the minute hand To be too smart to feel happy anymore and too dumb to remember sadness To be too drunk to wake up feeling anything but the hangover and all the friends that it's brung And this saturday, I might as well spend half of my birthday money on the taxi's vomit clean up fee Because these days all paper is good for is fire And all I am good for is keeping misery company And these days I find misery in the deepest corners of forgotten cupboards In the last shimmer of hope before sleep takes me away from this world In eyes that don't look back anymore and backs broken on the chimney of God's mantelpiece With smoke dancing through to my stomach and finding its resting place on my good lung And I will paint what I think of you with both hands behind my back And listen to you breathe amidst the clamor of Chicago's vein and artery streets And taste your smell in the strangest places and smell your scent with my nose outstretched to the past I do not know love but I know that it doesn't resemble us And in the morning I will smile at my beautiful mistake Invite it to dinner and hold it only when it asks to be held and send it back home with my tongue stinging of bittersweet Happy to be sad and sad to ever have known happiness And in the morning I'll wake up wondering if I'm more than a sullen afterthought A blank, coffee-stained page too crunched up to be written on but too ugly duckling to be tossed away with the other regrets And in the morning I'll lay with you and alone at the same time and curl my toes like a newborn baby on a Sunday morning crying tears of joy at its beginning and magnificent ignorance of its end And I will love you where there is no love And care about you where people have no more energy to care with And in the morning when you leave me and I leave this city I will bid you good morrow like nothing will change

I'm 18 years old now, and I'm still trying to find out what that means, but I'm pretty sure it means something And in the fall I will leave the limbs of this beautiful city, and though my story does not end there, I am closing a chapter As I feel water harmoniously accumulate to float on the lenses of my eyes, begging for a blink to let them fall into your arms again and people have thought me weird for most of my life, and when they told me, I told myself that they meant different Told myself that they were trying to fix something that wasn't ready to be fixed yet And I wanted them to hate me for it, because hate is a stronger emotion than love And all hate is, is love coming from someone that's given up on being a nice guy anymore Giving who I am to people too early, buying shoes from Niketown, and stealing from the thrift shop I am nothing but a contradiction looking behind watery eyes hidden by sunglasses that didn't cost me a thing Looking into the eyes blankly staring back that cost me a fortune And I hadn't felt pain until I fell asleep with you in your bed knowing that I would wake up in my own alone except for a note that read goodbye And sometimes I uncork so many bottlenecks that my fingertips that caress your side reek of wine and I remember the baptism when they told me the water in that stone basin was holy And I snuck a sip and found that it tasted like nothing, and a lot less like God than the priest had postulated And sometimes I find that a woman's body tastes less like flesh and a little more like God sometimes So kill me. Draw your condemning on my forehead so everyone knows not to speak to me if they know what's good for them For I know that I have sinned, and I placed 7 missed calls to heaven for every one that was not forgiven And sometimes I find solace in going to sleep knowing that I will dream of nightmarish things because at least those nightmares aren't real And I know that they will end at dawn when the light creeps up to the condemning on my forehead and wakes me to this terrible consuming reality CHORUS So how u supposed to know me if I don't know myself? x3 And fall into the arms [that I've forgotten]/[I don't know] Have you ever stayed up all night and felt like a different person when you see the sun rise and freeze as the room illuminates slowly? Going from black to red to blue to naked And having our bodies go from naked to half-clothed to clothed like masks or stains and ugly clockwork And we hid from our fears like children and never spoke of them again Because a picture is worth a thousand words and that day the way you moved was the most picturesque of dances And a midnight plane away from home is the most picturesque and simultaneously painful of flights And the only reason I do not waltz into your arms anymore but I fall into them CHORUS

and To avoid saying goodbye I'll say see you later, Kiss my neighbors goodnight, take one last look at your skyscrapers like I been eating forever and never tasting the flavors, Savoring nothing except peace in arms of a stranger Feel like a baby lying up in his manger, I'm sorry there's no scene or landscape to outmatch human nature For its beauty, and watch it burn up faster than paper, these moneys don't mean nothing but a tip to a waiter rest in peace signs on my birthday cake meeting their maker, those loose squares telling God please do me a favor With nothing on but our birthday suits, 18 years old, storing all my secrets inside of you and I feel I'm living my life dumb with no condom on, And never taking back how it feels so good to go raw So tell me why this all feels so wrong, Just trying to wave these sleepless nights so loong so sometimes, all I've got is some nyquil, these dreams, measures taken to fight them Liposuction procedures promise curves no reason to hide them I'll keep misery company she been feeling alone, And so have I, so I guess that we share a bond This song's for every single person I love And deep down I love most people but sometimes they don't love me back And every time I feel like flying above with my tongue tied up and my stomach in knots And I'll lay alone and with you at the same time. On mount olympus, you gon feel nothing but my heart and its bassline Beating harder than it's ever before And I promise to send postcards to settle the score And this doesn't resemble love but I think that it is And I'll pour my cobra 40 for everything that I know I'mma miss All my friends or any person that's been loyal to me I swear that I'mma pray the lord for my soul to keep Running and pacing away from my problems well no more Cause I'm done running from something I've been taught to ignore And my life's way too short baby to follow the norm So I'mma be myself and nothing else, but that at the core And I swear that I'll accept you all as you are, And say goodbye like I've known you my entire life Cross my heart and then hope to die Ashes to ashes and then we all fall down CHORUS x2